You’ve been doing crosswords for months: Times, Telegraph. Difficult, but not impossible. Suddenly, a report lands on your desk. The United Kingdom has had a change of government. A new administration has "hit the ground running", and has promised to be tough on bureaucracy and inefficient management.
Despite this, we are looking for new people with the skills to face these sorts of challenges with all the attention they deserve. If you think that you possess these skills, then there may be a career for you in MI5, Her Majesty’s most Secret Service. *
We have two levels of entry.
Level 1. You will have had at least 3-4 years of work experience in your Father’s shipping company, and a degree in something highly specialised, such as Medieval Golf Course Management, or French History (1433-34). You will need to able to gather and analyse information from a wide range of sources, be it newspapers, the wireless or television set. The ability to operate our Canon photocopier, and stop the fax machine eating bits of paper is vital. Applicants with a knowledge of Microsoft Windows 3.0 will be at an advantage.
Level 2. As well as all the above, you will have a thorough knowledge of Baroque music, and be able to make jokes in Latin. Juggling and/or knife throwing skills are always appreciated. You will also need to be able to use your powers of persuasion to get more money out of the government. The value of the ability to discover new threats to the Realm one month before the Public Spending Round cannot be overstated.
The pay for both these posts is not lavish, but there are many fringe benefits, including Health Plan † , company car and Nectar Card.
We attract people from a variety of backgrounds, who find their work at MI5 most useful: journalists, KGB agents, CIA agents, Mossad agents, MI6 agents, animal rights activists, trade unionists, and coal miners, to name but those that we are aware of.
MI5 is an equal opportunities employer, and welcomes applications from all middle-class Oxbridge graduates, whatever their ethnic background.
* Apart from some of the others
† We regret that life insurance cannot be provided
Still interested? Oh.
Then click here to go to the next recruitment page.