It has been estimated that a twenty megaton nuclear detonation directly above Bentalls will result in the utter obliteration of every free-standing structure in the town and its environs.

The operation has been calculated to the smallest detail by Bracknell Town Planners. Loudspeaker vans will begin announcing the event some twenty minutes before the moment of destruction. This will give people plenty of time to reach a safe distance from ground-zero.

After the explosion, work will begin immediately on the new town centre. The exciting project includes plans for a pedestrian-only shopping precinct, surrounded by a three-lane ring road. In addition to this, a large bandstand and commemorative fountain will be built in the centre of the main square.

There will of course be an excellent range of shoe shops and discount mop emporiums.